HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029
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> Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest
country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California . White
minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third
language.
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> Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops and livestock.
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> Baby conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.
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> Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
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> Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the
Middle East (formerly known as Iraq , Afghanistan , Syria and Lebanon ).
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> Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years
before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
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> France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica
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> Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but
President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
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> George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
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> Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail
delivery to Wednesdays only.
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> 85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.
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> Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.
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> Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they
now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
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> Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
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> Supreme Court rules that punishment of criminals, violates their civil rights.
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> Average height of NBA players is now nine feet, seven inches.
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> New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters
and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.
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> Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions
to campaign accounts.
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> IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.
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> Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.
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> The most important things in life are not things.
